


The People We Are, The Choices We Make

by syredronning



Series: D/s AU [1]
Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Dom/sub, Kinky, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-08
Updated: 2010-09-08
Packaged: 2017-10-11 14:39:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syredronning/pseuds/syredronning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a universe that places more importance on roles than people, Jim Kirk and Bones McCoy try to live their lives to the fullest, in sometimes different ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The People We Are, The Choices We Make

**Author's Note:**

> My take on a universe in which Dominance/submission relationships are standard (like straight marriages right now). Kirk's POV.  
> Many thanks to cyranothe2nd for the beta and great advice! All remaining errors and weaknesses are mine.
> 
> Warnings: one rougher scene; one minor character death (accident).

In Iowa, where Jim came from, all relationships were of the traditional kind – one partner was the dominant, one was the submissive. Nobody gave the concept a second thought, because it had always been like that. Over the first few dates, people not only fell in love but also checked out who'd be on top between them.

You were the boss if you decided the restaurant (and ordered the food, if you were really good), got kissed when you demanded it and didn't hold back from a little spanking. You started to lay out the rules and if the relationship developed well, the other one started to follow them. You negotiated but kept in mind that it was your job to lead, and the other one's to follow. Then you married and during the ceremony put the collar around the neck of your sub, who consequently became your obedient property. Fin.

That, at least, was what his teenage friends kept telling him. Maybe it worked for their parents, but it sure didn't look like this to Jim. His mom was calling the shots at home, officially, but whenever she was away, Frank took off the collar and ran around as if he were the boss. He was constantly complaining to everyone and the world that Winona's devilish kids had inherited that disobedient streak of George Kirk, who'd been known to run away to Starfleet against the will of his parents, so people sympathized with Frank and ignored his abuse of power. Devilish kids needed a good measure of discipline, right?

Jim grew up anyway, enjoying the one positive side-effect of being a hero's son – it was easy to date girls. He always chose the restaurant and ordered the dishes, and the girls giggled and kissed him just as he asked them to, making him the Dom of the moment. It was fun while it lasted, but never fun enough to even think of a longer relationship. Twenty came and went and he still worked odd jobs and asked girls out for a few nights of sex, while all around him people got married and vanished into their new private lives – not all of them by their own will, like his best friend who was ordered to stop working in the lab after her wedding. He didn't like it, but it seemed to be one of the unavoidable side effects of marriage.

One day, he'd marry and become a Dom like most other guys. He'd be the one to sign all the papers, have the banking account, own the house, and punish the wife and kids if they misbehaved. He'd make the big decisions and lots of the small ones too, and have good sex every night because subs had to deliver satisfaction. Such was life.

*

It was only when he joined Starfleet and found himself in San Francisco that he realized things could be different. Here, the roles were much less clearly defined. Many more women were sexually assertive, and many men were subordinate, letting go of the macho facade and letting their partner take control - in fact, everyone could perform every role with any gender (or alien, or whatever), and nobody much cared .

He started experimenting, with everyone who was willing to experiment with him. One of them being his room mate Leonard McCoy, MD, who he only called Bones. For all Jim knew, Bones had been the Dom in his marriage, though it hadn't helped him a lot when it fell apart. Now he was bordering on a celibate state, from which Jim could rescue him once in a while. Usually they had sex by tradeoff, hand jobs and blow jobs evenly distributed. When it came to fucking, Bones liked to be on top, but that seemed more caused by his essentially straight background and some insecurities about being on the receiving end than by some deeper need to dominate. Bones didn't care who chose the restaurant and they always ordered their own dishes.

Jim liked this no-strings-attached thing he had with Bones, which so clearly defied the rural traditions he came from. It didn't stop him from trying out other things, too. There was Laura from the engineering track, who was sexy and clever enough to get him on a leash for four weeks, before he grew weary of the temporary chain around his neck and her plans for their future careers which saw _him_ transferring to _her_ ship. After her, there was Charlie, an androgynous creature who kept him at arm's length (he never found out hir biological gender) but Charlie's voice was so hot that he could combust over hir ordering him to jerk off. There were a few others, women and men, that he submitted to over the course of the first academy months, but it never felt as good as what he had with Bones.

"That's because you're a switch, darling," Bones muttered one night, lying in bed with Jim spooned behind him after a round of good sex.

"A switch?"

Bones laughed and turned around to face him. "God, you're really from a backwater corner of the world. These are people who can't decide the side they're on, so they switch between roles all the time."

"Actually, I think I don't want to have any role," Jim said after thinking a moment. "Both traditional roles feel strange to me."

"Well, that's fine for me," Bones said and shrugged. "A lot of the roles' stuff is bloated and sugar-coated by society. Once you put someone on a leash, you've got to be aware that you hold the other end of that leash. You've got to make the rules and stick to them yourself, and you've got all the responsibility. When you fuck up, you're really fucked."

"It's still better than being the sub," Jim said. "I like my partners being equal, not some inferior beings."

"I can understand that take, but face it – most people feel better when the roles are clear. And subs don't see themselves as inferior."

"Yeah, sure," Jim muttered. He reached around Bones' body and grabbed one cheek, pulling their groins closer together. They were both half-hard, and he wanted more sex. "I'd like to fuck you," he said, hoping Bones was in the mood for some bottoming.

"Considering you claiming you don't want to top, you're sure good at saying what you want," Bones said amused.

"It was a question, not an order," Jim stated. "Otherwise, I'd just order you to bend over the table."

"You would?" Bones asked, eyes gleaming.

Jim pondered the thought. "I don't know. I could do it, if it turned you on. But I'd rather not."

"Fine by me." Bones put his hand on Jim's dick and teased the glans with his thumb, stroking the erection to full size. Then he rolled over and got on all fours without further preamble.

After that night, Jim finally had a tag for what he was – a bisexual switch – but as Bones had stated, it didn't make finding a partner a lot easier. The Academy was anything-goes regarding to gender and species, but few people had none or switching role preferences. And once it came to marriage, even those formerly free switches suddenly had a classic ceremony where one of them was on the receiving end of a bracelet or collar. It got worst when the couple had a kid later, because everyone said that kids needed structure and good role models, so the switching aspect usually went right out of the window while the collar on the neck of the new sub came in through the door. Back to square one of traditional marriage.

Jim managed to maneuver around those relationship pitfalls by sticking to one-night-stands (with people of any role) and to Bones and their safe no-strings-relationship - until the Enterprise launched during the Narada crisis and everything changed.

*

At first, Kirk thought the change was only in their Starfleet status – with him suddenly being captain and Bones suddenly being CMO, they had a lot of responsibility towards ship and crew. The Enterprise slugged back to Earth after the crisis, but they barely had time to meet except for lunch or a dinner in the mess hall. It was there that Jim first noticed another change in Bones.

Everything seemed normal as long as their Vulcan guests stayed in their own quarters. But once they ate with them, Bones' behavior changed. It took Jim a bit to realize that the reason for this was Sarek, Spock's father.

It started out subtly with Bones getting up when Sarek joined them at the table, offering him a seat. Then Bones started to carry trays for the Vulcan, getting food and beverages, doing little errands. When they met with Sarek, Bones didn't speak unless it had to do with his CMO duties, and when they walked through corridors and doors, Bones always fell behind the Vulcan.

Jim was partly amused, partly confused by this behavior. It just didn't fit into the image he had had of his best friend, but, well - it wasn't unheard of that people who weren't usually submissive could switch sides when they met the right person. And it definitely looked as if Sarek pushed all the right buttons for Bones' submissive side.

The assumption was confirmed when Jim met Bones in med bay one day before Earthfall, asking him if they wanted to spend the night together.

"Sorry, Jim - I can't," Bones replied with a blush that Jim would've found rather endearing at any other time - but not when it was practically declaring the end of their fuck-buddy relationship. And Bones had been his favorite over the years, even though a standard relationship wouldn't ever have worked out between them.

"So, you're getting serious about Sarek?" he asked.

"Uh - yes." Bones nodded, a nervous twitch on his lips. "Very serious. And he doesn't want me to see other people."

"You've only known him for a few days," Jim said with a frown. "And you're already behaving like..." _Like some brain-washed bottom_, he felt like saying, but that would've been really insulting and he wanted to keep Bones as his friend and his CMO.

"Like some befuddled teenager, I know. I would think the same about anyone else who came to me and said something about having fallen in love so hard that he was willing to submit permanently."

"So - you are willing to do that?"

Bones sighed. "I don't know how to explain it. I've never thought of switching sides before, couldn't see myself kneeling next to anyone. But with him I want to kiss the ground he's walking on. I want to follow his every order. It turns me on to do so, and it turns him on to control me."

Jim stared at him in disbelief, until realization settled in. "So I guess you never were against the dominance-submission tradition after all, huh?"

Bones shrugged. "No, I wasn't. Let's face it, I'm an old-fashioned guy and I like the idea of the roles. They give a relationship structure and rules and some great guidelines to live by. However, the theory behind the roles is a lot different compared to what most people are actually living in their relationships, me and my ex included. It got me burned to the idea of another marriage with collaring. But with Sarek, it's different. It's not just roles between us. It's coming from within us. It just fits."

"So you suddenly found your well-hidden, naturally submissive side with him and are turning yourself over into his power right away?"

Bones drew a face over his words, but nodded. "That's it, basically."

"You ever consider that Sarek's just lost his wife and maybe only needs a new willing object?" Jim said, unable to help himself.

Bones shook his head. "I know he's hurting. And while it's my profession to heal, I've never gone so far as seeing me as a private tool for that job," he stated. "When I'm with him, something just...resonates. Something I don't want to miss again. There's so much acceptance and trust."

"What about love?"

"Vulcans don't say the word, but yes, love."

"And you don't fear this is going to end in disaster like your last marriage?" Jim didn't feel comfortable bringing out the big guns - but on the other hand, Bones was bringing up a rather big plan. It wasn't easy to get a divorce when you were the sub, and hard to run away when the Dom had discretionary power over your money. (Though on second thought, Bones had been through something like that already.)

"No." Bones smiled. "And that simple fact tells me that this is the right choice. The few times after the divorce I came close to anyone, I instantly started comparing them to Jocelyn and looking out for the pitfalls… not this time." He straightened a little on his chair. "We've planned to have the wedding and collaring ceremony when we're back in San Francisco. I hope you'll be there."

"Thanks for informing me well in time," Jim said stiffly.

Bones went up and around the table. "I'm sorry, Jim. It's a surprising development for me too, but believe me when I say I have never been so happy in all my life."

Jim looked at him, seeing that smile (damn, Bones had smiled more in the last few days than over the last few years) and those bright eyes. Yes, he was broadcasting happiness and Jim couldn't bring himself to diminish his friend's happiness by voicing his misgivings. This was Bones' life, and he had no right to interfere.

"Yes, Bones, I'll be there," he said, and was rewarded with a hearty embrace, Bones' strong arms around him, their bodies pressed together.

"You sure you're still allowed to hug me?" Jim half-joked when they drew apart.

"Yeah," Bones twinkled. "He's promised that I can keep working onboard the Enterprise, among my friends, if that's what I really want to do and as long as I keep coming back in one piece."

"You're really something," Jim said and shook his head in astonishment. "You're going to let yourself get collared and then start a long-distance thing?"

"We will have several weeks before the Enterprises launches, which will give Sarek and me time to settle into the relationship. And then...we will see."

"Fine. Anything you want," Jim said, and at last left med bay, unable to beat down the strange feeling inside of him.

*

The marriage ceremony was performed two weeks later, before Spock's marriage with Uhura, who had been his sub ever since her second academy year. Obviously Sarek had insisted on having his own ceremony first, being the Head of House and all. All bridge members, some higher brass and a fair share of Vulcans, most of which Jim didn't know, attended the ceremony.

Bones was dressed in a very frugal, traditional Vulcan robe that had calligraphic signs running down the front. Jim assumed that the writing spelled out the rules coming with Bones' new status. He was also bare-foot and mostly looked to the ground when not looking at Sarek, not talking to anyone unless being addressed directly.

Sarek was dressed in a highly decorated robe, voluminous rings with jewels at his fingers and a large medallion hanging around his neck. Vulcan may be gone, but some riches of the House of Surak obviously must've been rescued. The ceremony itself was a mixture of Standard and Vulcan, with the classic formula of agreeing to be collared by love and something about becoming a chattel (which Jim really didn't like from the wording). There was also an older woman who seemed to be some kind of priestess, who mind melded with the two men and officially attested to them having what was simply called The Bond in standard, some kind of mental connection through which a partner could be controlled.

Really, the whole ceremony was filled with things Jim would never agree to, and he felt like he was watching Bones giving away his damn life and every freedom he'd ever had. He felt rather sick by the time Bones knelt down to accept the permanent, heavy-looking collar with the Vulcan's House seal prominently in front of his throat. Jim knew that all such collars and bracelets had an emergency opening mechanism but that essentially broke them apart and it was the Dom's decision if this also ended the relationship. Therefore, some subs rather died with the collar on than risk abandonment. One more of the things Jim hated about the traditional role-based relationship, and one reason why he'd never ever want to enter a relationship as a sub, no matter how much he occasionally enjoyed the role in a temporary setting.

When finally Sarek allowed Bones to get up – _seems Bones needs to get permission for every little step_, Jim thought sourly -, the attending humans applauded. People moved forward to congratulate, which meant a Vulcan greeting to Sarek, who received the congratulations for both of them. Being a rule-breaker by nature, Jim was the only one who had the nerve to grab Bones' hand and shake it after his words of congratulations to the Vulcan. "Congrats, Bones," he said, voice hoarse. "I hope this new life will be everything you hope for."

Bones' serious face broke into a smile. "Aw, Jim, thank you. I know it will be." There was that damn happiness radiating off of Bones again and it was clear as day that this had really been Bones' wish too, all the ceremony and formulas and the permanent collar, and Jim still didn't understand it. "See you at the reception, Jim," Bones added and pulled his hand back.

Jim hadn't wanted to attend the reception, but now he knew he couldn't stay away. He was relieved to see that Bones behaved a bit more like himself there, walking around and speaking to people on his own. Jim took a drink because it meant having something to do with his hands, then headed for a table at the far end of the room.

"It's hard on you, isn't it?" someone seated behind him said, and he turned around to find Pike in his wheel chair, his dress uniform jacket half unbuttoned and a glass in one hand.

"Earth relationships are rigid enough, but add Vulcan rules and you'll have one of the stiffest sets of all," the man said. "At least Sarek's got some experience with a human sub before, he should be doing okay. I knew his wife Amanda, and she didn't ever look like a brain-dead puppet like most other human subs on Vulcan did."

"You're not really setting my mind at ease," Jim murmured. "As far as I see it, Sarek's got every right now to chain up Bones in the back room of his next home and never let him get out again."

"Yes, he'd have the right. But McCoy is a good man and great doctor, and I bet Sarek's damn proud of him. Didn't you see that protective gaze in his eyes, and the way he loves to present him?" Pike sipped from his drink. "Though I've got to admit I was a little surprised - I thought you and the doctor would get together, with you as his sub."

"I'm not a one-role-person, and definitely not sub enough for this," Jim stated with a frown, his eyes on Bones, who was now trailing obediently along at his Vulcan master's side. "I like my freedom of choice."

"I didn't say I wanted to see you end up like this. I only said I suspected it might happen." Pike put his empty glass aside. "I think I'll go home. Want to come with me?" he said casually.

"That's an invitation for the night? Not sure we'd be on the same wavelength," Jim said bluntly. He had always assumed Pike was a Dom kind of guy, and he really wasn't in the mood for submitting tonight.

"If fucking my ass is active enough for your taste, Kirk, then it's an invitation," Pike said just as bluntly.

"Now that sounds good," Jim said, ready for any action that could make him forget the events of today, at least for a while.

They left the reception together.

*

The next time he saw Bones, it was in a meeting together with other future Enterprise officers and their interaction was surprisingly easy. There were some rather noticeable changes, like Bones using barely any swearword and being much more polite to Spock – and of course, that damn collar that seemed to jump Jim's eyes whenever he looked at him. But other than that, he behaved very professionally, spoke his mind (also when not asked) and didn't bow or grovel at anyone.

Of course, there was no law that subs had to behave like that, but considering the Vulcan ceremony and the way Sarek seemed to control Bones in private, Jim had expected his friend to become more servile in general. It was a big relief that this wasn't the case. The Enterprise needed a CMO that could hold his position under pressure, not just nod and obey when things got tough with the captain… or the first officer. Jim made a mental note to ask Bones if his new relationship to Spock might cause problems in that regard.

But then there was the wedding between Spock and Uhura, and once again Jim Kirk had to suffer through a ceremony that made him want to climb the walls. At least he was clever enough to vanish before the reception this time, and when he rang the door bell at Pike's house, his mentor wasn't surprised at all.

The split in his universe remained. In the work context, both Bones and Uhura acted rather normal and professional. But once he could see behind the curtain – or rather, was forced to, like by that one invitation to dinner with the two couples - Bones acted a lot more submissive than she did, not even going for a piss without permission. Jim couldn't stomach it, and it must have shown, because Bones cornered him in Starfleet Headquarters the next morning.

"What's your problem, Jim?" Bones snarled at him, almost like old times minus the obligatory 'damn'. "Are you jealous or something?"

Jim laughed without humor. "Not at all."

"Then what is it?" Bones asked insistently. "Tell me. Please."

Jim raised his chin. "You want to know? Fine. I just can't stand the way you act with Sarek. 'May I eat? May I drink? May I leave the room?' Fuck, you'd probably ask for permission to breathe if that were possible. It freaks me out to see you like that."

Unexpectedly, Bones broke into laughter.

"What's so funny about it?" Jim asked with a glare.

Bones smiled. "You think Sarek's forcing me to behave like that, right?"

"Yes."

"He's just doing what I asked him to do."

"Uh?"

"Yeah. See, day in, day out I'm the top dog of my department, I'm ordering people around, I'm supervising everything and everyone. I'm doing the most complicated surgeries, life and death at my fingertips. And I found out there is nothing better than to come home to Sarek and get rid of all the responsibilities and choices for a while. This kind of micro-management is like a vacation from my routines."

"So you set up those rules?"

"I explained to him what turned me on and why, and he set them up. But I could negotiate the ones that I didn't really agree with."

"Did he change them?"

"Most of them." Bones smiled again. "No Dom will negotiate on everything, you should know."

"Yeah, that's why I don't have one." Jim smiled back a little.

Bones eyed him, face turning more serious. "You really thought I was brain-washed by him, hm?"

"A little," Jim agreed.

Bones sighed. "Well, let me tell you that we've got a relationship that's based on mutual trust, that I wouldn't have entered into it if I wasn't very sure that Sarek would keep my best interests in mind, and that I'm still your friend, if you let me be. And I'll still kick your ass next time you end up in sickbay after some unnecessary stunt."

"Sounds good to me," Jim replied, feeling a wave of relief washing over him. They turned around, walking side by side to their next meeting. "So it's decided, you'll stay as CMO even though we'll go on a five-year-mission?"

"At least for now. Can't promise the full five years, because if they set up the colony, I might be needed there," Bones said. "But I'll stay on the Enterprise as long as I can."

This wasn't quite what Jim had hoped but it was the best for now.

*

Although the Enterprise's mission was planned to be exploring unknown parts of the galaxy, it had been decided that the first year should be spent with regular missions, so that the people could adjust to working together and the Enterprise's systems, seeing as she was freshly out of the docks, could be fine-tuned. Therefore the first mission was deadly boring, some planetary exploration during which Jim Kirk sat in his chair and twiddled his thumbs most of the time. Not a good start, and it left him edgy and with too much energy, which he uselessly tried to get rid of in the gym. There was a limit to how much sport his body could stand though, and he still had some pent-up frustration left to get rid of by the time he was finished with his workout.

Usually, he'd have sex.

Usually, he'd have sex with Bones.

But this wasn't an option any longer, and while he may have eyed some of his crewmembers over the last weeks, he couldn't imagine starting anything with one of his subordinates. It wasn't exactly forbidden – nobody would've batted an eye if he'd taken a sub – but he couldn't imagine what would happen if the relationship ended or if he wanted something else besides being on top (a captain, bottoming- the world would come to an end for most of his crew).

Another two weeks went by, and Jim Kirk started counting the days until the next shoreleave (fifty-seven, to be exact). Masturbating was barely scratching the itch he started to develop, and he remembered that he'd never gone without the real thing for longer than two weeks since he'd been sixteen.

Two days later, he went down to med bay to tell his tale of woe. Bones grinned a little but he was understanding and a bit concerned, and Jim received a hypo load of something that should reduce the imminent pressure of his hormones. As it also fiddled with his testosterone level, however, this wasn't something they could use forever.

Well, for a while it was fine, Jim Kirk found and hoped that after the drug had run its course, his body would get adjusted to the low sex level.

But there was no such luck for him, and when the itch returned, it was back to his own hand and checking out young ensign's asses, for which Jim hated himself but he just couldn't stop.

It was late in another deadly boring night – where were the Klingons when he needed them? – when someone rang at Jim's door. It was Bones, and he carried a bottle.

"Bones?" Jim asked surprised. In old times, coming over so late would've meant sex, but that was out of the question now. Or was it? He gaped as Bones locked the door.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Bones met his gaze. "Well – what we always did?"

"You're kidding me? You're Sarek's property. He'll probably fry my nuts next time we meet if we fool around."

The doctor smiled amused and shook his head. "Kid, what did I tell you about mutual trust and stuff? Do you think I'd be here without Sarek's permission?"

"I don't believe you."

"What?" Bones raised a brow.

Jim went out of bed and stopped at the divider, facing his friend. "I don't believe you. You're telling me Sarek knows you're here? I want to see his written permission."

"Do you?" Bones' eyes turned to slits. "You've got a real trust issue with me by now, don't you?"

"I'm not the one who gave himself into the complete control of another person," Jim said sharply. "I want it official, okay? I want to make sure I'm not going to end with a broken neck because Spock wants to restore the honor of his father or something."

For a second Bones was frozen, pondering his words. Then he slowly nodded. "I get your point. I'll be back later."

Due to the typical delays between starships and Earth, it took two days before Sarek's message made it to the captain's desk. It was crisp and short and said that Bones had been given permission to see that the captain of the Enterprise was performing at his best and if this included sexual services, Bones was allowed within the set limits (which the doctor would explain to him) to attend to his needs.

Jim sighed. He had never done anything with the subs of other people. It'd been his biggest rule in life, because things like that usually ended messy. However, none of these subs had been his best friend and former fuck-buddy, and damn, he really was in need of some sex.

Bones arrived late the next night, a bottle in his hand.

"Happy now?" he twinkled as he put down the bottle and locked the door.

"Let's sit down first," Jim said. "I want to know by what rules we're playing."

Bones took a seat.

"So, I guess there's a 'no-fucking' rule?"

There was that amused smile again that showed up on Bones' face whenever Jim got something wrong about that D/s relationship thing - as if he could possibly know how Sarek ticked. Obviously not like any sane human.

"There is no no-fucking rule. But if you listen for a minute, I can tell you the rules."

"Alright, I'm all ears."

The thumb went up. "First. No ordering me around in bed. Means also no tying up or taking control or anything."

"Fine."

The index finger followed. "Second, kissing is explicitly allowed."

"Good." Jim loved kissing; he doubted he would even want to have sex without kissing.

The middle finger went up for third. "We can fuck, but you're not allowed to come in my body."

"Okay."

"Fourth, I'm not allowed to give you a blow job."

"You mean it's okay to put my dick in your ass but not in your mouth?" Jim asked surprised.

"Yeah. Mostly he just doesn't want you to come in me, and as my blowjobs were always too good, well -" Bones blushed a little.

Jim nodded, trying to suppress the grin. "Alright, I get it. Make sure to remind me when I forget something in the heat of the action."

"I sent you a message with the list." Bones twinkled.

"Great," Jim replied, not too sure if he really needed to see the four golden rules for sex with Sarek's property in his mailbox, black on white. The situation was strange enough for him as it was.

But next thing he knew, Bones was kissing him and it was almost like old times and he had so fucking missed it. They undressed in a hurry and landed in bed, and while there were moments in which Jim tried to grab Bones and push his dick between those perfect lips, one or both of them always remembered the rule in time to avoid it.

They'd been really good boys, Jim thought when he opened his eyes on the next morning, relishing the wonderful well-fucked feeling in his whole body. There was still the taste of Bones' come on his tongue, and while he liked it, he was also very thirsty. He grabbed a water bottle and took a few gulps, then turned around to look at Bones, tousled hair and all, once more jumped at by the telling collar.

It wasn't _his_ Bones anymore – what they had last night had been granted by Sarek and could be withdrawn any second – but it was still a good thing and if this was how they'd get together over the course of the mission, he would be stupid to say no.

He showered and returned to find Bones dressed. "I'll shower in my own quarters," Bones said, a slight apology in his voice.

"It's alright," Jim assured him, wondering if there was a no-breakfast-in-bed rule hiding somewhere. He pulled him close. "Thanks, Bones," he whispered and placed a chaste kiss on his friend's lips.

"You're welcome," Bones said. For a moment, they stood there with their foreheads pressed together, then Bones left.

*

They didn't have nights like that very often, but Bones had an incredible sense of when Jim was reaching the limit of his endurance of sexual abstinence. And then he would be there, offering a drink (although Bones himself never got drunk anymore) and his body.

Yeah, that's how it felt at times and Jim started to wonder if sometimes Bones came over for sex although he didn't actually want to. He re-read Sarek's message and it sounded almost as if he'd ordered Bones to do whatever necessary to make Jim functioning like a well-oiled machine (or ass?).

He cornered Bones with that the next time he came over. They'd be home in five days, he didn't need any sex tonight, and he'd make it clear to Bones that he didn't want anything Bones wouldn't want to give freely (though given the ceremony, Jim doubted there was anything left for the 'free' part).

"You don't have to do it, you know?" he said when Bones was barely through the door.

"Huh?" Bones frowned.

"I thought about our nights, and I don't think I can do it anymore," Jim said.

Bones placed down the bottle and sighed. "What's your problem this time?"

"You never say no."

"You never ask me to come. I come when I feel that you're all strung-out and need a fuck," Bones said a little amused.

"I can't ask you to come because, remember, I'm not allowed to order you around when it comes to sex."

"You could drop me a hint. I might get it." Bones folded his arms. "So I still don't get the problem."

Jim averted his gaze. "I'm just not sure if the sex is something you want, okay? And if it's really just a service to keep me from going nuts, then we should find another solution."

Bones unlaced his arms and grabbed Jim by the shoulders. "Damnit, Jim, I don't know why you keep having these ideas of me being forced to do things I don't like."

"Because you're in a relationship in which you could be forced?" Jim replied.

"That doesn't mean that I _am_ forced, alright? When I saw how unhappy you were with the situation – and damn, even Spock came to me to talk about your restlessness, suggesting that you were missing the sex with me, I spoke to Sarek. I suggested the offer. We've always been there for each others when we needed it, and I wanted to make that possible again."

Bones pulled him closer. "You're my best friend, and in a way, I love you, okay? We never talked about having a relationship, and I doubt it would've worked, but you're important to me. It's completely different with Sarek – it's absolutely not comparable, so you're neither taking away something from him nor forcing anything on me that I don't want, okay? And you falling back into the '_oh my god he's being forced_' shit is getting old. If you want to get rid of me, keep up that crap and you'll see if I can't make a choice."

"You were told to keep me performing at my best," Jim mumbled.

"And if that meant finding an intelligent little sub for you who's switching behind closed doors and keeping her mouth shut, that would work just the same," Bones snapped.

There was a deep silence for a moment. Then Jim swallowed hard. "I fucked up, right?"

Bones snorted. "Not yet, but close to it."

"Guess a part of me still doesn't get it," Jim admitted. "Every time I see your collar, I get angry, somehow. Most people have thin ones like Uhura, or only a bracelet. You run around with a collar that looks like it's chiseled around your neck, a big loud statement that you're a sub. I don't even know how you manage to keep your department in check with that thing for everyone to see."

Bones released his grip on Jim's shoulder. "They're professional enough not to confuse my preference in bed with my position in med bay. And there, I am their boss."

"Never got any problems because of it?" Jim persisted.

"Guess someone might have said something some day, but it never reached my ears, okay?" Bones shrugged. "They had to get used to it but they're my staff and at the end of the day all that counts is that they trust in my abilities, as a doctor and as their commanding officer." He brushed through his hair.

"I wish you could think the same way, but I can see it's not working for you," he said sadly.

"I want to. I really try," Jim said, realizing a little desperately that if he didn't manage to convince Bones that he'd get a grip on his problem, his friend would leave in a moment and never return for another night.

"I'm sorry for being such an obstinate ass, okay? I don't want to be. It's just that freedom is so important to me that I start to think everyone should agree with me, and the ceremonies at your wedding were like the paramount of everything I didn't want to hear – for me, you were giving away your freedom of choice, permanently, to a Vulcan to boot, when we all know that they taking that stuff absolutely serious."

"I understand where you're coming from, Jim," Bones said. "But I'm tired of explaining that it was my choice to be with Sarek. We'd spent quite some time together, we had melds, intense, deep melds followed by long hours of talking. Mind melds…they're incredible. In a way, you know everything about a person; not the memories or such, but the emotions are so clear."

"Yeah, I know," Jim replied, thinking back to the old Spock. He hadn't really consented to the meld then, and he hadn't agreed to another meld so far because it was slightly overwhelming and intrusive, in his opinion. "So you're saying that you know all about Sarek and that there's no danger of him doing something that would hurt you?"

"Right." Bones nodded. "And if, some day, we don't get along anymore, he promised to accept my asking for release."

"Nothing you can count on," Jim said darkly.

"I know he would do it. Because I'm important to him. And he's important to me." Bones shook his head. "This is getting us nowhere," he said tiredly.

"Bones –"

"I'm sorry," Bones said with a crooked smile. "Guess it's the personal little sub for you after all." He gazed at the bottle. "You can keep it," he said, then turned and left.

Jim sank down on the chair and buried his face in his hands.

*

They landed on Earth in time, and Bones was soon gone, taking leave for the two months that the Enterprise was in dock for further improvements and some smaller repairs. Jim wasn't sure if Bones would return at all – or be allowed to return, or whatever circular way of reaching a decision those two would come up with. The result would be the same, the Enterprise would leave for its next mission without Bones, and he hated the idea. But he didn't see a way to solve the problem other than Bones becoming a free man again, which was damn unlikely.

But then there came a handwritten invitation to Sarek's house, saying that Sarek wanted to speak with him in private and would be very obliged if the captain of the Enterprise would grant him an hour of his time. Not knowing what to expect, Jim was relieved to find the atmosphere welcoming and Sarek relatively relaxed for a Vulcan. The house was rather large and totally quiet, although it was inhabited by twenty-three family members, as Sarek told him while he led his visitor to an office in the back. Through a window, Jim could see Bones reclining on a bench in the back garden, reading a PADD in the sun.

"The windows are unidirectional, he cannot see us. He does not know that I have asked you to come," Sarek said when a servant had brought tea, coffee and Vulcan sweets.

"Why did you want me to come at all?" Jim asked, although he had a good guess.

"Please, sit down," Sarek said and took a seat in an old, comfy chair.

"Didn't know Vulcans went for plush," Jim said as he sank into another one.

"I had similar ones in my home on Vulcan, acquired by my wife," Sarek said. "It was Leonard's idea to buy some for this office, and I find them to be very comforting."

Jim nodded and sipped his coffee, not sure what to say.

"He speaks often of you," Sarek said. "You are his best friend, and very important to him. This was the reason that I granted his wish for sexual acts between you."

Jim shifted in his chair, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. "I know. Thanks for the gracious offer that he could still see me. It was a big surprise, and the rules were really manageable."

"If I had not trusted you both to adhere to them, he would not have been allowed." Sarek leaned back and folded his hands. "However, somehow, the agreement between you has been disrupted, and that weighs heavily on Leonard. He feels he failed in explaining his situation properly."

Jim placed the cup aside. "Not sure if it's even within his power to explain it to my liking," he said slowly. "I felt like I was using him. I couldn't stop wondering if him coming over was basically something you ordered him to do. I didn't get the why, somehow. Still don't get it."

"Why this offer - or why his submission to me?" Sarek asked.

"Both, I guess."

There was a little silence, in which Sarek searched his face, at last getting to the heart of the matter. "You do not trust me."

Jim raised his chin. "I don't trust Vulcans." There, he'd said it aloud, the thought that had lingered in his subconscious for so long. It had started with the smug pointy-eared bastard at the Kobayashi Maru hearing who later marooned him, then there was old Spock on the ice planet who cheated time and space with disastrous results, and at last Sarek, who somehow bewitched Bones and turned him from a human being into a Vulcan chattel. Every Vulcan in Jim's life so far had tweaked the rules to his personal liking and without much consideration for the results, in his opinion. One of the aftereffects was that he still didn't trust Spock as much as a captain should be able to trust his first officer.

Sarek's brow rose. "I must admit to curiosity. Is there a particular reason for this personal opinion?"

Jim weighted the best explanation. "I've once experienced a mind meld that had not been properly negotiated."

"A severe violation of our customs," Sarek said serenely. "You should have reported the attacker."

"The man was confused and thought I was someone else, so it wasn't worth reporting. But the meld - " Jim couldn't keep on his seat anymore, and stood up and walked back to the window, gazing at the relaxed figure of Bones outside. Then he turned back to Sarek.

"The meld showed me what a Vulcan is able to do. How he could touch a human and take over, spill his memories and emotions into someone else's brain. And I bet it works the other way round too, reading a human's mind over the touch, maybe even manipulating it with false memories and feelings. I don't trust the procedure and I don't trust anyone enough to let it be done again."

Sarek was sitting straight, too straight, and Jim smiled sadly.

"So if you thought there would an easy solution, just plugging my mind and showing me some nice memories of you and Bones and everything would be fine for me, then I'm sorry. It won't work like that."

Sarek only said, "I understand." Jim had to grant the Vulcan that; there was no bullshitting like '_it'll be different with me_'.

"If you want to make me understand – why don't you try it the old-fashioned human way and tell me why you chose him?"

"Why I chose him?" Sarek repeated, looking rather dumbfounded for a moment.

"Yes. Tell me about what attracted you to him. When did you first notice him? Have you been into men before? When did you decide that things should get more serious?"

"You never asked Leonard about this?"

"I know him well enough – but I don't know you." Jim frowned a little when he saw Sarek's obvious resistance to the idea. "And don't try making an excuse that this information is private – you were ready to meld with me and share the actual, living memories. So I don't see a reason why you couldn't talk about it. Except that you aren't really able to explain it," Jim added provokingly.

Sarek tilted his head. Point taken. "I am able and willing to explain how our relationship came to pass," he said. He poured himself a fresh cup of tea, and motioned Jim to sit down again. Sarek leaned back, hands neatly folded on his stomach once more, ready to start his storytelling.

"When I was beamed aboard the Enterprise, I was numb by pain. I had lost almost everything dear to me, my wife – my planet. The bond we had was broken, and only sheer willpower held me together. It was there in med bay that I first encountered the doctor. It was the compassion in his touch that undid me. I tried hiding the pain, but he instantly felt it, even though he did not know at that time that I had just lost my wife. He carefully applied hyposprays of various contents –"

Jim snorted, which earned him a questioning gaze. He shook his head, listening on.

"He eased the pain and made me functional again. I was able to help my son with advice. I was able to discuss rationally the future plans for our race with the few surviving government members onboard the ship. I continued to function until he met me in a corridor, looked into my eyes and instantly told me that I was ordered to rest now. When we went to my quarters, the pain was already returning, and he once again applied a hypo. There were so many patients, but I felt as if I was the only one important to him." Sarek interrupted the story to take a sip of tea.

"As I said, it was the compassion that undid me. His caring. He was offering so much. I then learned that, like any living being, he also desired things, but life had taught him that his wants and needs were rarely met, especially not once they were known to others. This made me curious to explore what exactly he wanted. We spoke – we melded for the first time. He had fears but he was also curious, a true scientist. I found he needed a sense of belonging. There were aspects in his life that offered this, but none of them – not his profession, not the Enterprise –"

'_And not you_,' Jim added in his mind.

"- could meet this fully. Even his former relationship had been lacking this quality." Sarek looked down into his cup.

"There was no emotional home for him. And I was in need of the same." Sarek lifted his head, looking directly at Jim. "At another time, I might not have noticed the doctor. I had never had a male sub, and I had not thought him to be one. It was only when he realized that he could disclose his desires to me and he would be neither ridiculed nor humiliated for them, that he could open up enough to be submissive."

"I thought humiliation of the sub was a normal part of a relationship," Jim stated.

"There is debasement, and there is the playful humiliation which submissives welcome for its transgressive elements. The latter is part of the game, so to speak – the first is a hurtful violation of personal rights."

Great theory, but Jim had seen enough of real, painful humiliation to snort again over these words.

"The ceremony, whose idea was it?" he asked.

"Leonard had watched old recordings of my ceremony with Amanda, and was surprised about what he called the 'most romantic wedding he had ever seen'. Today, the wording of the vows is less absolute, but he admitted that the old-fashioned version was more to his liking and in accordance to his feelings. I told him that this would also mean an old-fashioned sign of ownership, so that his status as mine would be obvious to the world. He accepted the traditional, rather demonstrative collar of my House without hesitation."

Jim nodded. He had a fair picture of the situation by now. Sarek and Bones had met in a moment of confusion and were both searching for something, and he didn't blame Sarek for accepting from Bones what had obviously been offered freely. Bones' insecurity when it came to relationships had always been known by Jim, and if the whole stuff that surrounded D/s were working in his favor in the relationship with Sarek, then so be it. It was a sensible explanation for them getting together, although Jim considered it to be a little weak and one-dimensional, wondering how far these motivations would really carry them in their life together.

"I still wish you would trust me enough for a meld, Jim Kirk," Sarek said softly. "Some words are so devoid of meaning when it comes to emotions. Vulcan emotions run deeply, that is why we strive for control. But we do feel, and what I feel for Leonard cannot be properly voiced in any language."

"Thanks but no thanks," Jim stated.

Sarek just nodded.

"Will the knowledge of this afternoon make you be able to accept Leonard's offer again?"

Had he really wanted to know this stuff? Jim made a mental note to keep out of other people's relationships in the future. But for all the strange feelings left, he now could accept what Bones and Sarek were offering.

"Yes," he answered. "Yes, I think so."

"Shall we call him inside, or –?"

"No, we'll talk when he's onboard. At least I hope that will happen?"

"It is Leonard's wish to stay on the Enterprise, and I would be a dishonorable master if I were to keep him apart from the surroundings that are so important to him and in which he excels."

Sarek led him out of the house, which felt as quiet and empty as when he'd arrived. Vulcans - always good for making you feel strange, even if you couldn't see them.

Jim walked out of the door, embraced the afternoon heat and only started relaxing once he was back on his ship.

*

After this meeting, things were mostly alright in Jim's head and conscience. The Enterprise went onto its next mission and there was more trouble, some fights, more wounded, and therefore a lot less sex. But Bones, as promised, had returned as his CMO and best friend, the man to have a drink with and commemorate fallen crew members if needed. And when they finally managed to meet for a night, the sex was hot and mind-blowing and always within Sarek's rules without either of them even considering breaking them. Hearing of Sarek's protective love of and need for Bones first hand had given Jim a new level of understanding of their relationship, and some of the protectiveness has stayed with him. That Bones was allowed on the dangerous missions of the Enterprise was quite some sacrifice for Sarek, and Jim would take extra care to bring Bones back alive.

His new level of understanding was tested, however, when he learned that Sarek had taken on another sub. Worse, he didn't hear it from Bones but from Spock over lunchtime. It made him walk right into Bones' office in med bay once they were finished.

"Stop moping," Bones said without looking up from his PADD.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jim threw himself into the next chair.

"Because I knew you'd mope like that."

"He's got another sub. I thought Vulcans were monogamous!"

Bones placed the PADD on the table and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "They need to rebuild their race, and there are more women than men left. It's logical to have every man father as many children as possible."

"So you don't have a problem with Sarek taking a new _wife_? Makes you second-best, doesn't it?"

Bones averted his gaze. "We talked about it before he did. He's still young for a Vulcan and can have further children with a Vulcan woman. He's also a bit lonely, because I'm away most of the time."

Something dawned on Jim. "Shit. He wouldn't have done it if you had resigned, right? If you had given up the Enterprise."

Bones met his gaze. "Probably not," he murmured. "But –" he raised his hand to cut off Jim's upcoming speech –"I love my job, okay? I wouldn't have thought I'd ever say it, but I like flying around in this tin can in space because I get to see a lot more things than I'd ever see on Earth. It's really cutting edge frontier medicine here. It's a great chance and a great challenge. And I'm not ready yet to give that up, and Sarek knows that."

"I see." Jim sagged back a little. He wondered how much of Bones' decision to stay onboard had to do with his commitment and loyalty to Jim, but didn't really want to find out because he might feel like a deal-breaker to Bones' happiness after all.

"You ever met her?" he asked at last.

"Once, I think. She's rather young and beautiful. About everything I'm not." Bones definitely was more than a little hurt by the development. In a quick decision, Jim got up and locked the door.

"What are you up to?" Bones asked with a frown.

"It's not against the rules to suck you off here," Jim said and walked around the table to sink down on his knees in front of Bones.

"It's against regulations," Bones said with a snort, but didn't really do anything to keep Jim from opening his fly.

"It's been too long anyway," Jim said and pulled out the soft penis. He worked with hands, lips and tongue, and soon, Bones leaned back and made those little noises he loved so much.

Regulations be damned – this was more important.

*

Missions came and went by, some dangerous, some boring, but Bones at his side was a constant he could count on. Most of the time, Sarek's existence was in the back of Jim's head, unless he stumbled over something that made him think again.

Like, Jim never really understood how the relationship between Bones and Spock was exactly working. Technically, Spock had some authority over Bones as a dominant member of the House, but Bones had explained to him that Sarek and Spock had agreed that this authority should not be exerted onboard the Enterprise, because it might interfere with their duties.

But Spock still had unlimited access to Bones' quarters because of some House rules and was exerting that right frequently whenever he needed to speak to the CMO. Which was why Jim and Bones always met in the captain's quarters for a night of sex.

Bones was also very polite and formal with Spock; nothing like 'green-blooded elf' had ever left his tongue after the Collaring, even if the Vulcan annoyed them like hell in one or the other discussion. Sometimes it was a little hard for Jim to get a broad range of opinion and advice, as Bones and Uhura became more reluctant over time to disagree with Spock. He'd tried to talk with Bones about it, but Bones didn't feel that this was the case and promised only half-heartedly – in Jim's opinion – to keep an eye on this development.

The problem grew worse when Chekov became Sulu's sub and stopped disagreeing with the Asian too. Annoyed, Jim made a mental note only to accept free switches for the next bridge openings, or he'd end up with too many sheep. It was good and fine that everyone swore that being a sub in a relationship didn't change anything on the outside, but it was crap. Intelligent people like Bones were fooling themselves that it didn't really mattered if they were collared or not, but then Bones fell half a step behind Spock in the corridor without thinking and it made Jim want to kick his ass so hard.

When Bones came with the news that Sarek's wife, T'Sari, would deliver within the next two months and asked for an extended leave in the name of his master, Jim was almost relieved not to have to deal with the gap between illusion and reality for a while. With Bones gone, he took heart at last and asked a female lieutenant from engineering for a date, using the traditional formula of offering a strong hand that showed he intended to be the dominant if anything would develop between them. Dany Williams was intelligent, beautiful, willing and on a level of obedience he could deal with.

Jim still couldn't help himself that he missed Bones taking charge of him once in a while, and it was not just about the sex. Bones offered him a place to be weak for a little while when he wanted to forget the last mission and the last dead. He couldn't see himself sharing those moments with Dany, so he spent them in the gym and only returned to her when he was energetic enough to come across as The Dom. His next shoreleave was consequently spent alone, getting himself thoroughly fucked in some anonymous bars, careful that there would be no material of those meetings, because captains still didn't want it up the ass and if _people_ (this undefined golden standard) learned otherwise, his reputation might suffer.

*

"Hey, Jim," Bones smiled on the viewscreen, his face almost as happy as on the day of his collaring ceremony, and lifted the child in his arms. "May I present the youngest member of the House of Sarek – Soral." The boy had pointed ears, upswept brows, and a rather serious face for a little baby. Should be perfect for rebuilding the Vulcan race.

"Congratulations," Jim said. "Were you assisting the birth?"

"As one of two doctors, yes. I've spent most of my time here getting myself acquainted with Vulcan medicine and the Vulcans' idea of healthcare." Bones placed the child into his lap, where it grabbed his collar and pulled at it. Jim frowned, but Bones was oblivious, agitatedly talking along. "Their whole system depended on healers, can you imagine? Seems a good mind-meld can fix anything. And we always thought they were high-technology. But now that most of the healers are gone, they need a lot more medical scanners and all to build the base of the future health care system."

"And you're helping them build it?"

"Well, I gave a lot of advice and recommendations, but they wouldn't really like to be told what's best by a sub." Bones slightly shook his head. "They really _are_ more old-fashioned than Earth in that regard."

"So – you're coming back?"

"Of course," Bones said, then lowered his eyes. "If you still want me to come back," he added suppliantly.

"Only if you cut that crap, Bones," Jim stated. "I want my CMO back, not some spineless puppy."

"Well, I heard you've taken on your own little sub," Bones said, eyes still averted. "I know it's been complicated between us over the last months, and I could understand if you are no longer willing to put up with the situation."

"Not that I ever owned her, but I released her anyway. She's just not what I need."

Bones sighed and looked back at him. "I'm not what you need either, and I'm not up for grabs."

"You're the guy who will fuck me into the mattress without thinking less about me in the morning. Sometimes that's exactly what I need, okay? I don't need a yes-man, and I don't need a sub, and I really don't need a Dom, I need a person with whom I can just be myself. So please, can you come back and be _Bones_ again, instead of slowly turning into a model of true submission?"

Bones grinned. "That bad?"

"Yes. Next time you disagree with Spock and don't fucking say it, I'll write to Sarek that he can take you home and keep you in a cage, because you're losing your bite as an officer."

"Ouch." Bones met his gaze suddenly very serious. "I'm sorry, Jim. Really. I'll try to do better. Just tell me when my behavior becomes unprofessional."

Seeing Bones so contrite was a cooling balm on Jim's frustrations. "It's alright. We'll get it figured out." He leaned forward to the viewscreen. "Hey, how about coming to pick you up in a week? We're on route for the next mission and New Vulcan wouldn't be far off."

"I will have to ask Sarek, but it should be fine," Bones said.

"Let's work on your wording. Why don't you just say – _I'll see what I can do_," Jim rephrased.

"I'll see what I can do," Bones replied obediently, then twinkled. "I'll send you a message as soon as possible."

"Good. Bye-bye, future Vulcan diplomat," Jim waved to the baby. "Bye, Bones!"

The line was closed from planetside.

*

Bones was back – and boy, didn't his ass notice – and turned one of the labs into a formidable research station for Vulcan medicine, backed by the admiralty and supported by the Enterprise officers, who all had witnessed the vanishing of Vulcan, a memory that never really left them. The doctor spent most of his spare time doing research, unless Jim wrestled him away from it.

"You don't have to do that extra research all the time," Jim said when they laid in bed after a shower one evening, ready for some stress relief. His head propped up on one hand, he let his other hand linger on Bones' chest. Since the last stay with Sarek, there were nipple piercings, medium-sized barbells holding silver shields, and after the first shock, Jim found them to be surprisingly arousing.

"Careful," Bones murmured.

"Sensitive, hm?" Jim bent forward and licked the nipple closest to him, eliciting a sigh from his lover. He'd have to find out if Bones could come from that stimulation alone. A pity he wasn't allowed to tie him up.

"But seriously," Jim said when he paused the licking for a moment, "seems you're spending all your spare time in the lab."

"Yes," Bones admitted, eyes half-closed, one hand stroking Jim's neck. "It is part of an agreement."

"Another deal with Sarek?" Jim asked.

"With the new government, actually," Bones murmured. "The colony's really short of doctors, and old-fashioned or not, they were willing to let met set up a hospital – in fact, they expected me to do that. Put quite some pressure on Sarek over it." His jaw set. "Told him that it was only logical to use his Human property for the betterment of Vulcan."

Jim bit down a _told you so_ and just frowned.

"My spending a lot of time on research here was the result of negotiations. It's also helpful that I'm working next to Spock and Uhura; it's almost as if we're a little House enclave here, so they can't really say I'm leaving Sarek's area of influence."

"Uh."

Bones pulled him closer. "I didn't like this discussion either but from their point of view, it's my duty to stay in the colony, and they didn't understand why Sarek let me come here again. It makes him look weak in their eyes, and I hate that. I was close to staying just because I didn't want to hurt his position. But he sent me away… told me he knows what's best for me." Bones drew a face.

Jim caressed Bones' stubbly cheek. "Isn't that what you told me in the past? That he cares enough for you not to decide against your best interest?"

Bones closed his eyes. "Yeah, but… well, it almost felt like being thrown out."

With his forefinger, Jim drew a line down his cheek to the collar. "It's still there, as big and fat as ever." He smiled. "And I doubt he put these on – " he rubbed over the distant nipple – "for anyone else but him… and me, maybe."

"Yeah. He really likes you, otherwise…"

"I know." Feeling they'd talked enough, Jim leaned forward and sucked the sensitive nipples in earnest, feeling victorious when Bones came from it within minutes.

*

The deal resulted in one overworked CMO, and Jim soon had to put his foot down on the doctor's workload. Helping the Vulcan colony was fine, but the ship came first. It didn't make it easier that Spock started to develop an annoying "_I'm a dominant Vulcan so bow before me_" attitude regarding the doctor's duty to Vulcan society, so Jim had to remind him of the behavior expected from an officer of the flag ship.

He understood Spock a little better when Bones told him in private that Uhura tried to conceive but to no avail so far. Which put quite some pressure on Spock, because he was already way behind child production (Jim's interpretation, not Bones' words). It was probably breaking doctor's discretion, but Jim was almost a family member, orbiting the House of Sarek like a stray meteorite.

"Maybe I should write Sarek a note," Jim said over a late dinner after another run-in with a frustrated Spock. "I'm a little fed up by his son's behavior."

"I don't think that's necessary," Bones said, chewing on his vegetables. (Of course he had become vegetarian after the marriage.) Besides the two of them, the mess was empty; it was the middle of the gamma shift and most people were asleep. "Nothing I can't deal with. And maybe we'll get lucky this week."

"Hope so." Jim smiled when he pushed his empty plate away. "By the way, I'm really a little…stressed out."

"Ah. That itch?" Bones asked with a grin. "Maybe we could find something to scratch you with." He quickly finished his meal and stood up. "Let's go –" he said, then suddenly faltered. The tray fell to the floor with a loud noise, the dish and cup spurting to the sides, before Bones followed, sinking to his knees.

"Bones!" Jim gasped, instantly at his side to grab his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Bones held his head in both hands, eyes screwed shut. "God, it hurts. Stop it. Someone stop it!" He curled, sobbing in pain.

Jim ran to the next intercom, pushing the button so hard his hand hurt. "Kirk to sickbay. Emergency team needed in the officer's mess. It's Doctor McCoy. Hurry!"

When he looked back at Bones, his friend lay on the ground, coiled and lifeless.

*

Jim sat in med bay, holding one of Bones' cold hands. The medical team was through with him, all scans done, all blood tests run, and nothing had been found. It was only when Spock stepped through the door, his features stony and pale green, that Jim Kirk had a sudden premonition.

"Something happened to Sarek?" he asked, voice rough.

"What is the state of the doctor?" Spock asked back.

"He's unconscious, and nobody knows why. So, you tell me."

"Yes. Sarek is dead," Spock confirmed emotionlessly.

"You got a message? It can't be so quick. He broke down only forty minutes ago."

"There is no official confirmation yet, but family members share a bond. I know Sarek is dead. This is an unfortunate day for my house." Spock drew closer, his eyes not on Bones but on Jim's hand. "A human mind is not made for bonding. A bond can be installed and upheld, but now that the controlling side is gone, the broken bond needs to be healed. Otherwise, the doctor may suffer brain damage."

Jim looked at Chapel; she shrugged. _That Vulcan bonding stuff_, even medical called it half jokingly, half helplessly. But that bond might cost Bones his sanity now.

"Do it," he ordered.

"Please release your touch," Spock said.

"He's my friend. I'm here for him."

"Off-duty, he is under my authority, and he needs my help – a mind meld by a family member, not a human hand touch." Spock met Jim's annoyed gaze with a stare of his own.

Finally, Jim relented and moved away. "Alright. He's all yours. Go on."

Spock placed his fingers on Bones' chin and forehead, and murmured something in Vulcan. Then his eyes rolled upwards. Jim couldn't remember how the old Spock had looked during the meld, but this was a rather demonic picture. At last, Spock closed his eyes, lifted his fingers from Bones' face and sighed, exhaustion flickering over his features for a moment.

"It is done," he said. "He is asleep now."

"What now?" Jim asked concerned.

"Let him rest until he wakes up naturally, then tell him to come to my quarters. Arrangements have to be made. Good night, captain," Spock added and left med bay.

Jim frowned upon being expected to wait next to Bones, voicing 'unfeeling bastard' behind Spock's back. But of course he kept sitting there until his friend woke up three hours later.

"Jim…" Bones whispered, shakily reaching out for him.

"I'm so sorry, Bones," Jim said helplessly, clutching his friend's hand. "Do you know what happened?"

"No." Raising his free hand up to his face, Bones wiped his eyes, and Jim could see the lingering wetness. "One second, he was there…the next he was gone," Bones whispered. "As if someone was ripping a piece of my brain out of my head."

"Spock was here and performed a mind meld on you. Said he needed to take care of the broken bond."

"Yes, I -" Bones stopped, his face growing a bit paler, if that was even possible.

"Something wrong?" Jim asked concerned.

"I – I can feel Spock."

"Huh?"

"I can feel him. A bond to him." Bones jerked up in bed. "He took Sarek's place," he muttered, clutching his head again as nausea seemed to hit him.

"Calm down, Bones. You're still hurting, and it won't help if you break down. He expects you in his quarters when you're up, but I guess it can wait."

"No, it can't. He's demanding me." Bones closed his eyes, minutely swaying back and force. "He's got a bond with me, Jim. He's inherited me."

"Bullshit." The word slipped out of Jim's mouth before he could bite his tongue. At least he managed once again not to say the dreaded _told you so_.

"Obviously, it had to have been Sarek's wish." Bones wiped his eyes again. "God…"

"I'm not buying that," Jim said sharply. "Come on, let's get to Spock and get this shit cleared up." It took him a moment to argue with the medical crew that Bones, while still weak and uncoordinated, really needed to get to Spock, but as they were out of their depths when it came to Vulcan bonds and unwilling to come between their boss, their captain, and their first officer, Bones was soon allowed to leave. Jim walked with him, ready to catch his friend if he broke down. Surprisingly, the longer they walked, the straighter Bones stood, possibly marshaling some last resources before crashing into Spock's quarters. But first of all, they needed to talk. No way in hell he'd simply let Bones get taken over by Spock.

Uhura opened the door, and Jim walked in, Bones in tow, without asking for permission. Both Spock and Uhura looked like they were in mourning, although he'd never had the impression that his communication officer had been close to Sarek. The light was low, and a few real candles flickered, a violation of fire hazard regulations.

He didn't care, though – he only cared for Bones' freedom. But if he expected Bones to stand up for himself, he was thoroughly disappointed. Of course, the man was shaken and suffering from losing Sarek, but still, simply lowering his head and standing there in complete silence was a bit much.

"Explain," Jim said sharply.

"What?" Spock asked back.

"Why did you bond with Bones? It's common practice that when a dominant partner dies, the submissive is released from the collar. We're not talking slavery; we're talking a relationship."

"That is only an Earth practice, not Federation law," Spock said. The Vulcan's face was in shadows, and for once Jim couldn't decipher what Spock really thought, although he'd become rather good at reading his first officer in general.

"However, our difference in opinion is irrelevant. It was the wish of my father that Leonard McCoy should stay onboard as my submissive for the next year - or shorter, if I were to leave the Enterprise."

"Sarek handed him down like a piece of furniture? I can't believe it."

Spock turned and took a PADD, offering it to the captain. "This is Sarek's testament, updated shortly after the doctor left the colony. I trust you are able to read the paragraph regarding the doctor."

Jim took the PADD, paging through the testament which was available both in Standard and original Vulcan. His heart sank. Even given some leeway in translation and interpretation, Spock was right; it had been Sarek who had ensured that Bones wouldn't become a free man for now.

"Did you know anything about that, Bones?" he asked, directly addressing his friend, trying to get any reaction out of him. But Bones only stood there, head bowed, in absolute stillness. "Say something!"

"He is not allowed to do so, captain, as this is the period of mourning, a time in which we will not speak but within our minds," Spock declared. "As of now, I request a week of leave due to family reasons for Nyota, Leonard, and myself."

Jim Kirk wanted to scream, beat something – someone, preferably someone with pointed ears; he wanted to shake Bones, wake him up and tell him to get the hell out of here now and that they'd go to court the next day. But he couldn't, and he knew that. Vulcans _had_ a different take on collaring and if Bones went to court, he might lose more than he could gain. Besides, at the moment it looked as if Bones had every intention to go along with Spock's take on the situation.

"I trust you will grant the leave," the Vulcan said, as if he might need a reminder for something said only a minute before.

"Yes. Of course," Jim said hoarsely, turned on his heel and left. When he was out the door he realized he hadn't even dropped one word of condolence, but he wouldn't go back in again.

*

Almost nothing was seen of the three people over the next days. Food was delivered to Spock's quarters, and only once someone reported to him that the doctor had been seen, dressed in a light robe and with naked feet, getting something to drink from the officer's mess in the very early morning.

Jim didn't even want to imagine what might be going on in Spock's quarters. He'd always considered melds and bonds to be varieties of brain-washing before and was surer of that now than ever. But it had been Bones' own choice to forego his freedom, and he'd be damned if he stood up again for someone who obviously didn't want to be free. Only thing he would gain was a bloody nose.

And when on the last day of their leave he was absolutely forced to confer with his first officer, he not only sent a message well before but also waited at the door until he was explicitly asked to step in. Uhura wasn't there, for which he was glad. And he tried hard not to look at Bones, who was kneeling on the floor, at least dressed in slacks, his breathing low, his eyes closed and his hands resting on his thighs with the palms turned upwards. It might be meditation or some Vulcan crap routine for subs, Jim thought sourly, his usually high tolerance for other cultures _slightly_ down the drain. Whatever - he really didn't care.

The talk to Spock was brief, and Jim wanted to leave when Spock stopped him. "Captain – I would wish to speak to you tonight."

"Why not now?" Jim asked.

"This is not the right time," Spock said. "May we meet in your quarters, at 2000?"

Jim was close to pretending to have some other appointment, but then his gaze drifted to his kneeling friend and for a moment, Bones' eyes were open and definitely sending a silent plea.

_Damn._

"Alright," he said. "Twenty-hundred, my quarters." He stomped away, angry about letting himself get manipulated by Spock – and Bones. He was sick of the current situation and if all three asked for a transfer, he'd sign their forms in the wink of an eye. At least Bones would then be gone from his sight, instead of constantly mirroring back Jim's inability to protect his best friend from his own foolishness.

*

At the appointed time, Jim was in his quarters. When the door bell rang, he wasn't surprised to find Spock and Bones (half a step behind, of course) in front of it. He let them pass, then locked the door.

He was surprised, though, when Spock opened the long cloak that covered the doctor's body. Beneath it, Bones was naked but for the collar and a metal cross-cuff that kept his wrists together. Without a word, Bones sank to his knees and bowed his head. The knees were slightly spread, revealing a noticeable erection in the shadows of the tied hands.

"What is this?" he asked roughly.

"When a submissive is given to a new master on the event of a bond broken by death, the last element of the mourning period is the new claiming. Considering the events and the constellations involved, I decided to grant you first choice."

Jim saw where this was going but couldn't quite believe his ears. "You decided for him that I should have what, first pass? What should I do, dominate and fuck him? And if I don't want him after all, I can send him back in the morning?"

"This is essentially the plan, though unnecessarily crudely worded," Spock said coldly. "You may proceed as you wish, though it is considered common courtesy not to harm the submissive permanently." He started to walk out.

"Why didn't you just let him go?" Jim called after him.

Spock turned back at him. "It has been my father's decree that he would not be released instantly. I only adhere to his wish." For once, the Vulcan looked more tired than smug and superior. "Your choice must be made by tomorrow morning. You may send over his collar if you decide to keep him."

_Keep him._ Jim pushed his fist into the wall next to the door when it had closed, ignorant of the pain. As if they were talking about a damn pet.

Then he turned to Bones. The man was still kneeling, not moving a muscle, his whole position one big offer.

"Look at me," Jim snarled, angry and hurt and thoroughly _pissed_ by the situation. Bones looked up without really raising his head, looking like a beaten puppy.

"Was this test ride your idea?" Jim spat at him.

Bones' gaze fell down to the floor again.

"You got yourself into this absolute shit and expect me to help you? What the fuck are you thinking? Do you even think at all anymore?"

The kneeling man swallowed, but still didn't say a word of defense.

"Oh, still silent time? Well, good for me." Jim had never played rough with Bones; in fact, he'd never played at all when angry and close to losing his self-control. Fist fights were one thing (and even they were long gone) but sex was something else. Usually. But not tonight. Tonight he wanted to punish Bones until his friend learned his lesson.

He stepped in front of him. "Hands behind your head. Open your mouth," he ordered and pulled out his own dick, shoving it between Bones' spread lips. Then he laced his fingers around Bones' tied wrists and fucked his face, without regard to the little strangled noises, the fights for air. When he was close to coming, he pulled out. Bones looked up at him with glazed eyes, his wet lips a swollen red, his mouth still open.

"Turns you on, doesn't it, to get fucked like that?" Jim asked crudely, while his fingernails caught hold of the pierced nipples, stretching and scraping them. "Should've done that long before Sarek. Should've known what a cockslut you are, a crawling heap of holes. Aren't you?" He took hold of Bones' face, tightening his fingers right and left and forcing the mouth open again. Then he withdrew his hand, only to slap his cheek.

"Cockslut," he said, then slapped again. "Does that turn you on too, getting slapped in your face?" Without waiting for an answer he suddenly pushed Bones' chest, and reveled in the surprised gasp as the man fell to the floor, arms still behind his head. The strong erection fell heavily against one bent thigh.

"Spread your legs," Jim ordered, turned on and off at the same time by Bones' immediate obedience. He walked between the legs, kicking them farther away. Then he placed one booted foot into the groin, harshly pressing the erection into the balls with his toe.

"No permanent damage, huh? I've heard that male chattel didn't get to keep their dick on old Vulcan, right? It was either off or pierced so much that they couldn't get it up again. I always wondered why Sarek didn't do that." He knelt down, grabbing the dick in his hand. "If you were mine, you'd get those piercings. I'd tie you down and get Chapel here and order her to shove old-fashioned needles through your glans and shaft, and I'd stand aside and watch it. And then I'd fuck her just to show you what real men can do, and you can't anymore."

He really didn't know from which dark place these images came, but Bones was breathing heavily, his hard-on quivering unrelenting in Jim's hand. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? You like getting all tied up and subdued and marked by your owner." Abruptly, he let him go and got up from the floor. "Get up on the bed, on all fours."

Shakily, Bones rolled to the side and crouched to his knees, then crawled to the bed.

"Spread your legs," Jim commented when he got into position. "Show me your needy hole." He knelt down behind him and prodded the ring muscle with one finger, not too gently. "Wondered if Spock had prepared you, buttered you up. Thought he might've gotten his fingers in. But no, you're dry. Bad luck."

He leaned to the side and pulled out something from under the bed. The plug was large, rather broad at the base and with a rough surface, and they'd never used it on each other. Now he went up and offered it to Bones. "Get it wet, you cocksucker," he snarled and pushed the large rubber head against Bones' teeth. "Yeah, lick it! Can you still smell my shit on it? Can you still taste it?" In truth it was clean but he wanted to see what Bones was willing to eat up, literally. And the spineless bastard opened his mouth and tongued the plug without hesitation.

Once the plug was covered with spittle, he went back to the ass and pushed it in. It made Bones groan and move away – at last, some fight. Jim reached around and grabbed one nipple between two fingernails, which broke the resistance. He pulled Bones back onto the plug, giving it a last shove to get in the large base at last, before the muscle could relax over the thin area before the base plate.

He hadn't known playing rough could feel so good.

"Think I'm gonna fuck you? Maybe later. For now I've got to go to the bridge. You stay like this until I return." And with these words, he left him to have dinner in the mess hall, making it clear that the door was unlocked.

He wasn't really hungry, and soon gave up and went to the bridge instead, where Sulu and Chekov had the evening shift. When he entered, they hastily parted, and he was left to wonder how it would look if Sulu bent Chekov over the next console and fucked him. And if he'd be able to do the same with Bones, if he had him collared.

He didn't last long on the bridge, then went back to his quarters. Bones was still there, still on all fours, obviously hadn't moved at all; only his head had lowered onto the tied wrists.

"Bored?" he asked, pushing against the plug from behind, expecting, and receiving, no answer but a rough intake of breath. Then he rose up and grabbed Bones' hair, yanking his surprised victim onto the floor again. "Crawl, baby," he spew at him, and kicked him over onto the floor, forcing him to rub over the carpet on his tied hands and knees. Soon there were burns, and Bones' face was red from exhaustion and possibly mortification – '_if he had any such feelings left_' – but Jim kept kicking and Bones kept moving and he'd probably move until he broke down, his breathing harsh and more and more disrupted with coughs.

Jim stopped him at last with a boot on the back, forcing him flat onto the floor with his weight. "That's good, yeah? That's what you want? And spread your legs, slut!"

Bones obeyed, though not quite as fast as in the beginning. Jim could see his chest heaving as he fought for air. He knelt down over him, his legs left and right of the normally so strong man, and forced Bones' face to the side so that their gazes could met. "This what you need? I hope you like it."

Bones' eyes were dilated and a little red, and quickly shifted away from Jim's challenging gaze. Jim released the head and scratched over Bones' back and shoulders, driving his nails deep into the skin. Seemed Bones liked it. Was there anything he wouldn't like?

In a sudden decision, he sprang to his feet and kicked the lying man's ass. "Get up and crawl to the bathroom."

He saw Bones' arms and legs shaking on the way, but he didn't feel any compassion. Bones wanted to get the shit dominated out of him? He'd get that.

"Into the shower," Jim said, then opened his fly. "Open your mouth." He wanted resistance, hell, he had been waiting for it for hours, but there was none. Bones knelt down in the stall, knees once again apart. "You gonna drink my piss, and you're gonna drink it all," Jim stated, lips dry. Bones' eyes widened, but then he opened his mouth, a weakness and defenselessness in his features that made Jim almost stop - almost.

Jim targeted his dick between the lips, but he was standing too far away and his hands were shaking, and so much of the yellow liquid missed the willing hole. There was piss everywhere on Bones' face afterwards, running down in rivulets, chin and throat and chest, and nevertheless the man made a face as if he'd gotten a present from heaven.

"Get up and turn around. Hands up on the wall," Jim blurted. He wanted to fuck this expression off Bones' face. He wanted to fuck him so hard that he'd bleed. In a strange rage, he pulled out the large plug, knowing how much that had to hurt, and threw it out of the shower. Then he grabbed the hips in front of him, and shoved his dick into the stretched ass. He was brutal and inconsiderate and gave all he could for as long as he could, and at last shot his sperm deep into the roughed-up bowels. There were bites on Bones' shoulders and neck, and as he turned him around, one of the nipples was bleeding where his fingernails had dug in too deep. There was still the smell of piss on Bones' face, and Jim could feel Bones' body slightly curling from the tension and pain.

But despite all that, Bones was hard as hell.

Jim grabbed the tied wrists with one hand, pressing them high against the shower wall. The other one, he closed around the pulsing dick, his gaze fixed on Bones's dark eyes.

"So that's really what you want, right? You want to get topped. You want to get taught where your place is. You want to get used and chained up and owned. You want to follow orders and you want to crawl on your knees when I say it."

Under his rough strokes, Bones gasped and jerked his hips, but the gaze was unwavering.

"You'd walk behind me and you'd get down on your knees with a wave of my hand, sucking me off. I could put you in the corner and you'd stay until told otherwise. I could chain you up at night and let you drink my piss in the morning. Would you like that? Answer me!"

"Yes. Fuck, yes," Bones blurted, shoving his hips forward to meet the tight grip.

"I'd collar you and you'd bow down in front of them all for me and everyone would know that you're my fucktoy. You'd eat when I say so and drink when I say so and if I spit in my glass, you'd still drink it. I would fuck your mouth and shoot in your face and then send you down to the floor to sleep in the mess."

"Yes. Yes."

The hips moved jerkier, the breathing grew more unsteady. Jim bent forward, shoving his tongue into Bones' mouth, tasting the piss and some sperm and _Bones_. Between them, in his hand, Bones' dick exploded, slick portions of come hitting Jim's clothes, gathering in his fingers. He wiped them clean on Bones' chest, scraping his nails over the skin. Then he released his friend's wrists at last.

Bones closed his eyes, his body sagging against the wall as he tried to cool down.

Jim quickly got rid of his soiled clothes, throwing them onto the bathroom floor. "I'll clean you," he said gently and started the rationed water shower, cleansing Bones' face, hair and body thoroughly with soap and warm water, sponging every limb, every bit of skin in the process. He tenderly went between the ass cheeks, careful not to irritate the skin further, and finally washed all the soap off. Bones didn't open his eyes.

At last Jim finished and brought two large towels, pulling one around Bones and rubbing himself dry with the other one.

"Come on," he said and Bones followed him to the bed. "Lay down." He lay down on his side, facing Bones. His friend looked at him, waiting for him to say something, but Jim wasn't ready yet. Instead, he combed through Bones' wet hair, then gently stroked his face.

"Think I got it now, Bones," Jim said at last. "Took me long enough, uh?"

"Seems so," Bones replied softly.

"Couldn't imagine that you really wanted the whole package. That you got off on it like that."

"It's got to be the right person. It's not about what the person is doing…it's the knowledge that the other one accepts and wants me completely, and then I can hand myself over and be sure I'll be safe." Bones' lips tightened a little. "At least, that's the theory."

"You have been safe with Sarek," Jim murmured, his fingers drawing a line down Bones' upper arm. The touch ended at the cuffs, and he started the motion at the shoulder again.

"Thought so. But this clause... I think he wanted to protect me. At least I can stay on the Enterprise." Bones sighed. "But I don't get why he didn't simply let me go, you know? He could've done it."

"I've no clue." Jim could feel Bones' hands between them, the fingers rubbing over the soft skin on his stomach.

"I can't do it, Bones," Jim said at last.

"I know. And I didn't really expect you to. Known you long enough." Bones smiled ruefully. "But, well – I had to try, you know? Otherwise, I'd have asked myself for the full year if I would have had another option."

"Couldn't I just claim you and then release you?"

Bones shook his head. "No, you'd inherit the one year clause. And I really don't think we should do it. It would ruin that thing between us."

"That friendship thing, you mean?" Jim twinkled, although he didn't exactly feel good.

"Yeah. One day, you'd work your frustration out on me again, and you'd hate yourself for it. And I don't want to be the reason for that."

"So…Spock's going to claim you?" Jim couldn't imagine the calm Vulcan making a scene like tonight.

"Probably in a very reluctant, stand-offish way that won't get his clothes spoiled," Bones said. "But yeah, I think he'll do that when I return."

"And that doesn't make you feel sick?"

"He's already bonded with me. That's the golden antidote to antipathy, because you experience a lot of emotion from your partner. But of course, it won't ever be like with Sarek," he added, a deep sorrow in his voice.

"Come here," Jim said and laced one arm under Bones' head, one over his shoulders, and took him into a tight embrace.

"Love you, Bones," he whispered.

"Love you too, Jim," Bones muttered against his neck, then, after a last hug, drew away from him. "Think I'll go now. It's already late." He slipped out of bed, and Jim felt a pang of guilt over the many marks on his friend's body.

"Nothing a medikit can't heal." Bones smiled. "But, uh, can you help me with the cloak?"

Jim took the discarded garment, slung it around his friend's shoulders and closed it in front. With still wet hair and naked feet, Bones didn't look anything like a respectable officer of the Enterprise.

"We'll be on duty tomorrow, Jim, and I'm sure everything will work out," Bones said soothingly. "You know that the Enterprise is our real home. You won't get rid of me that easy."

"Guess not." Jim accompanied him to the door. "Night, Bones," he said and leaned in for a gentle kiss.

"Good night, kid," Bones said, his hands briefly brushing Jim's chest.

Then he was gone.

*

Bones never told him how exactly Spock had claimed him, and Jim never asked. The fuckbuddy part of their relationship was on hold, maybe only for the year, maybe forever – Jim didn't ask and neither Spock nor Bones offered anything. The friendship was still there, but when they met for lunch or dinner, they mostly spoke of duties and other people (that were not Spock or Uhura). Life seemed to be okay for Bones, with a high level of personal freedom. He was still very polite to Spock, but he voiced any disagreements a lot more forceful than he had during the marriage with Sarek, and on the day when Jim saw them walking down the corridor side by side, he knew that Spock and Bones had obviously found a good balance.

Jim himself started looking around his ship and finally dated a guy from the geology department and a girl from astrophysics, who turned out to be his entry ticket into the loose poly circle of free switches on board. He still tried not to bottom too obvious in front of subordinates, but as he preferred his sex on an eye-to-eye level more than ever, it wasn't anything to be really concerned about.

Having finally understood what Bones had found in the relationship with Sarek, it'd become crystal-clear to him this was way outside his league. Bones was a one-hundred-and-fifty-percent kind of guy when it came to relationships, and while Jim wanted a good, healthy sex life, he didn't want that kind of commitment, neither as recipient nor as provider. With the people he saw now he was sure that they had the same view on the subject and he could relax without eternally wondering if he was sub-par compared to some big master or some perfect pet. And when once in a while emotions got in the way of fun, he took some time off and stayed away from the group. He'd had enough of complicated relationship stuff for a while.

Then Nyota got pregnant at last, and both Spock and Bones wore this funny aura of fatherly pride around on the ship. It was well-deserved, as the genes may be Spock's, but the medical miracle was Bones', and Jim was right there to congratulate them on the news, starting to check out baby shower stuff in online stores. The miracle ended much too early, though, as Nyota lost the child in the fourth month. Jim hated to see Bones so helpless, as fate won over his attempt to wrestle a child from nature, and they almost lost the mother too. The evening Nyota was discharged from med bay, Jim walked along the corridor and even though he doubted Bones was in his own quarters, he rang the bell.

The door was quickly opened to him, and he stepped inside. The room was almost dark, the light from the corridor just making him able to see Bones in the far away corner of his sleeping room. Jim ordered the lights up. Bones sat on the ground with his back to the wall, knees pulled to his chest, a glass in his hands and a bottle next to him.

"Switch off the damn light," Bones snapped and squinted, raising one hand to cover his eyes. Jim drew closer without doing as ordered.

"It's not good to drink alone, you know," he said and got a glass from the cabinet. Then he sat down next to Bones.

Bones stared at him for a moment, then poured him a drink.

"Not Scotty's, I hope?" Jim rotated the glass, watching the colorless liquid climbing its walls.

"God, no." Bones put the bottle aside. They clinked glasses, then knocked them back.

"It wasn't your fault," Jim said after the second round.

"I know." Despite the statement, Bones hung his head. "Don't know what else we could try. They wanted it so badly, and I thought I could give it to them. But even with all our high-end medicine, some things just don't work out." He sighed and poured them another drink. "They wanted to be alone. I understand that… but it hurts anyway."

Jim slung his arm around Bones' shoulder. He hadn't been so close to him since that claiming night, and he listened into himself for his own reaction; it was all about comfort and friendship, but he wasn't turned on. And that was okay.

"I miss him so much," Bones whispered, voice hoarse, and Jim instantly knew who he was walking about. "I miss having someone to go to who's just there for me. Who wants all of me, and only me."

"Yeah," Jim said when the sudden silence dragged on too long.

"You happy?" Bones asked out of the blue, gazing at him from the side. "Heard you're running with the astrophysics clique."

"Not only, but yes, I'm rather happy."

"Good." Bones nodded. "Always wanted to see you happy. Really important to me."

"I know. I want to see you happy too."

"I'll be okay soon. Time goes by so fast. It's already been five months." Bones dragged a hand over his lips. "Shouldn't hurt so much anymore, but it still does. Sarek made the logical decision in keeping me collared for now. Who knows what might've happened if I had had the freedom to go away and search for a master like him. Would've probably fucked up big time."

Jim shrugged. "I think you would've done okay. It's not as if you were without friends."

"It's not as if I listen to them either," Bones murmured. "Sometimes I wonder if I made the wrong choice."

"You had a wonderful time with him. He loved you, and you loved him. You could've had a great, long life together. Then there was the accident, and he was taken away from you much too early. Nobody's fault, just fate. It's still been the right choice for you."

Bones smiled, but in his eyes, barely held-back tears were glittering. "Thanks for saying that, Jim. It means a lot to me." They hugged, a little awkwardly due their seated positions and the glasses that were still in their hands.

"So, out with you," Bones said at last. "Go and see someone. Life's too short to get drunk with me."

"Life's too short to get drunk at all," Jim said when he got up.

"Fine. Take the bottle. It's my only one. My first booze in ages, and god help me, it tastes like shit." Bones staggered to his feet, offering the half-empty bottle to Jim. "Can't remember why I ever liked it."

Jim, who had no intention to become abstinent any time in the future, took the bottle without qualms. "Good night, Bones."

"Night," his friend replied, sinking down on the bed. He was already snoring when Jim let himself out of the door.

*

The next time they spoke about something private, outside of duty, was when they docked on a space station a month later. Everyone of the crew got to spend a few hours on the station, for shopping, bar hopping, or scratching itches – there was something for everyone. Jim had thought about spending the time with some of his clique, but then felt like having some off-time. When he walked into the shady bar with the few human and many alien girls and boys hanging around, he couldn't help smiling. He'd missed having just an anonymous fuck where he wouldn't have to deal with the other person on the next morning, and enjoyed his few hours with intense action. The music was loud and the drinks were strong, and there were dicks and pussies and a few tentacles and some things he didn't know what to call. He felt a little strange afterwards, and sobered as his guilty conscience grew. Fucking around without care was fine when you were single, but fluid-bonded to more than ten people it wasn't a good thing.

Of course, Bones had patched him up many times in the past and had seen everything of him there ever was to see, but it still made Jim a little nervous to walk into med bay. Bones was on duty, and he was sent right into his office.

"Hey, Bones," Jim said. Bones looked up, and from the bags under his eyes, Jim could tell he hadn't slept well.

But then Bones got all professional, asking "What do you need?" and was soon busily working on Jim, without accusations for endangering the crew with alien viruses, or a lecture on protection. It was a little eerie.

"Anything wrong with you?" Jim asked when he was allowed to dress again. His ass tingled from the treatment, and he admitted to himself that if Bones asked for sex right on the spot, he'd just jump for it. But Bones only turned away with a sigh. "Nothing."

"Big fat lie." Jim eyed him. "You can either talk to me in your office, or we go to your quarters."

Bones frowned at him. "You don't want to know, Jim. Trust me."

"Do you need to talk? Then I'll listen, okay?" Jim stated firmly.

"Well – yes." Bones stored the last hypo away without really looking at it. "My office, then."

Bones locked the door and they sat down.

"It's about Spock," Bones said. "Yesterday night, we had sex. Well, what he would call sex. Him sitting on a chair, me kneeling in front of him, sucking him off. And suddenly, I had enough of it. He always looked as if he had no fun at all. It was all duty and proving to himself and us that he was the master and a controlled Vulcan who wouldn't gasp one bit when coming. I was tired of it. And so I took over."

"Oops. How did he react?" Jim asked curiously.

"He… he was a completely different man. Open and responsive and… it was fantastic. But once it was over, he totally closed down. Shut the bond from his side and told me to get out."

"Guess he's a little surprised by his own reactions," Jim said.

"Overwhelmed is probably a better word," Bones muttered and scratched his forehead.

"And what about you? A little overwhelmed yourself?" Jim asked.

"Yeah." Bones nodded. "Didn't ever consciously think about dominating him. But last night…" He sighed. "This can get me into trouble. Real trouble."

"Maybe Spock's coming around," Jim said reasonably. "He can't be the only Vulcan sub, right?"

He raised his brows as Bones said frustrated, "But he is, Jim. Vulcans are always the masters in a relationship with humans. It's like their golden rule of relationship. Vulcans are always on top with other races. All his life, Spock wanted to be a true Vulcan. And now, he can't even be the master he has to be. He's not going to deal well with that."

"So you fear there will be some fallout?"

"Yes." Bones placed his elbows on the table, burying his face in his hands. "Wish I had thought before doing it. Fucking it all up on a spur of the moment - damn."

Jim nodded, thinking hard. "Well. How do you want him to react?"

"Uh?" Boned looked up.

"If he wanted to have more of this, more of you on top, would you be able to deal with it? Would you want it for longer than a night?"

Now it was Bones' turn to think. "Yes," he said at last. "Yes. He's become close to me, though not like Sarek – never like Sarek. We've got a completely different dynamics. I always felt like the stronger one with him. And after having seen last night how he could be if he would allow himself to live on his terms instead of those of the other Vulcans, I really would want to be there for him."

Jim smiled to hear what was basically a declaration of love. His friend was in head over heels, almost as bad as with Sarek - he just didn't know it yet.

"Okay. You could wait until he comes to you – but I doubt he'd do it. I guess he feels as if he failed his people, and in a way, he also failed his father and you. My suggestion would be that you go and talk to him, tell him how important he is to you, and that you'll never lose your respect of him, no matter what you do in bed. Make it clear that you're there for him, not just because of the bond forced on the both of you by Sarek's arrangement. And then give him some time to think it through. But not too much, or he'll probably talk to the wrong people in between."

Bones nodded, quirking a small smile. "You should've become a psychologist."

"Hell, no. I -" Jim wanted to add something, but then there as a ship-wide call for him, and he had to leave. "Keep me briefed whether it works out. I really need to know you'll be okay. And if he's treating you bad for what you did, tell me and I'll kick his ass."

"Wouldn't really help my case, but thanks for the offer." Bones winked, the tension in his features not completely gone but markedly reduced.

Jim had to wait another ten days before Bones finally sent him the word: "Thanks for the perfect advice."

He deleted it with a grin.

*

The shift in power dynamics between Bones and Spock was discreet but rather remarkable to people who knew them. Although Bones was still wearing the large collar (with pride, and sometimes with sorrow in his eyes), the way he talked to Spock and acted around Spock didn't leave much room for speculation. As usual, the bridge crew was the first to know – they'd followed the slow breakup between Spock and Uhura, and were now surprised but supportive of the sudden development between the Vulcan and his once so submissive human. Soon, they knew that if they urgently needed the first officer in the night, they should try the doctor's quarters first, but usually, they didn't disturb them. Everyone did their utmost not to shake up the new constellation, and the crew followed the examples of the officers. And if there were jokes about smug green-blooded bastards finally being on their knees, none of them crossed the captain's way.

Jim was so proud of his crew.

The same could not be said of the population of New Vulcan, next time they came to the colony. Spock had released Uhura by now, and technically, Bones' year was over. But when Jim had talked to his friend about it, Bones had told him that Spock and he had decided that it was best to continue their current relationship as if Bones was still the sub, as it was the perfect pretense to protect Spock from the wrath of his people. Jim saw the logic in this decision and played along, even though he didn't like the way the Vulcans treated Bones. To them, he was still just property, and he hated to see that even when it came to medical subjects, they always addressed Spock first.

Bones, however, didn't seem to care, either because he'd experienced it before or because he knew that when they beamed up at night, all that would matter was Spock was with him, under him. And so Jim decided he really didn't have to care either and went back to the ship as soon as possible.

The not caring lasted for two days; then there was an emergency beam-up right into sickbay, and when he stormed through the door, he froze on the sight of Bones' limp body on a med bed. There was blood on his back, lots of blood. Chapel was hovering over him, carefully cleaning up the mess. Spock was standing at the other side of the bed, his face pale and the lips tightly pressed together.

"Report," he said roughly, addressing Spock. But it was Chapel, who replied, looking at him in open anger, "Long or short?"

"Short."

"We were leaving the town hall, when five drunken Vulcans cornered us. They didn't like the way he spoke to his master. So they decided he needed to be taught a lesson. One grabbed me, two held him down, the other two beat him with metal rods that had been lying around for construction work."

"_Drunken_ Vulcans?"

"The rate of depression, alcoholism and suicide within my people has grown… unbelievably high," Spock said, the words sad and slow. "With the destruction of Vulcan and the death of so many, we have lost our stability."

"What's his status?" Jim asked after watching Chapel's work for a moment. She looked at him again, now mostly professional.

"I've sedated him. He'll recover, but it will hurt for a while."

There was physical pain, and there was psychological pain. Bones had wanted to protect Spock with his subterfuge, but this wasn't the right way. But he couldn't say this to Spock's face with all the people around, so he decided to wait until the gamma shift.

When he came back to med bay after midnight, Bones was sleeping in a protected little corner, flat on his stomach, face still pale but relaxed. Spock was at his side, holding his hand. The Vulcan acknowledged Jim with a nod.

Jim took another chair and sat down next to Spock. "How is he?"

"He was awake for some time, but the pain was intense. I asked Miss Chapel to sedate him again."

Jim nodded and leaned forward, lowering his elbows on his thighs. They sat in silence for a while, before he quietly spoke, eyes firmly on his hurt friend on the bed, "You'll never be good enough for them, no matter what you do, simply because of who and what you are. You can try and play their games by their rules, but you'll always be on the losing side. And you know, because that's why you left Vulcan." He finally turned his head, looking at Spock.

"You've found a new home on the Enterprise, like most of us. It's a place I'm proud of, because we can all be what we are and live like we want to, as long as we carry out our duties. We've become one family - a chosen family, not forced on us by our heritage." His eyes drifted back to Bones, watching the still raw back under the translucent synthetic skin rise and fall with every breath.

"I want to see him happy and I know he's happy with you, in a different way than with your father, but not less. I didn't always understand the choices he made, but I supported him choosing you. He'll always be there for you, he'll do anything to protect you. Even if it's not in his own best interests. Don't let him do that forever, Spock."

Jim inhaled, then stood up. He stopped as the Vulcan placed a hand on his arm.

"I had made my decision already before you came," Spock said quietly. "But thank you for coming here and speaking to me on his behalf – again. To have a friend like you is a gift that has never been granted to me."

This made Jim smile. "Yet, Spock. You're still young and we're all here. Chosen family, remember?" He nodded and quickly left med bay.

*

The wedding was a week later, onboard the Enterprise. Jim smiled as he stepped forward to perform the ceremony. It was purely Earth, and both men wore their uniforms. They had written down their own vows, something about love and trust and acceptance that brought tears to the eyes of several people in the audience. No one became anyone's chattel, and Bones kissed Spock when he closed the rather unobtrusive platinum bracelet around the Vulcan's left wrist. Uhura was the second to congratulate them after Jim and she hugged them both, a bright smile on her face. Then there was the reception from which Bones and Spock soon vanished, the doctor mumbling something like '_too damn romantic_' and towing his blushing husband (looked strange in green) away to what would surely be a fantastic wedding night.

When Jim sent his private report of the event to Pike, the reply came promptly. His former captain pretended to be rather disappointed that this time, Jim didn't need to carry out his frustration on him. But as he was back on his own feet again, he was also back on duty and had been appointed the new starship captain supervisor. His first visit to the Enterprise was scheduled in four weeks, and he hoped he was welcome.

On the prospect of this visit, Jim felt his heart skipping a beat. Pike had been always someone special to him, partly father figure, partly just a damn brilliant, hot man. One of the few people he trusted absolutely. One of few people allowed to kick his ass when he fucked up. Supervisor, huh? He hated the sound of that. But with Pike... it might work out. In many ways.

He closed the message and went to bed. Just four weeks.


End file.
